Excuses, excuses!

You'd think the people who have signed up to receive my e-mail newsletter would be the most loyal of all my readers, wouldn't you? You'd think that when I e-mailed them all early on Monday morning to tell them my new book was finally, finally available in stores, they'd all drop everything and run out to their local bookstores or Targets or drugstores or WalMarts and snap up copies of A Family Forever for themselves, their mothers, their sisters, and their best friends. Right?

Hah.

Perhaps I brought this sad neglect on myself by thrusting my tongue firmly against my cheek and suggesting that some of my faithful readers might have trouble getting away from the office or out of the house on Monday. I proposed a quickie contest: I would send a free, autographed book to each of the five individuals who gave me the best excuses (in three sentences or fewer) for not being able to go to the store on that day. I asked them to finish this sentence: I can't possibly go to WalMart today because...

Friends, you wouldn't believe how fast my e-mail inbox filled up. So much for the support of my faithful readers! I suspect that a couple of these folks were pulling my leg, but here are the five best excuses:

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Sonya Weiss wrote:

I was performing the leading role in our outdoor community play, (a spoof on Cinderella), when my part called for me to run down the cobblestone street clutching the glass slipper in order to keep it from the wicked stepsisters. Their role was to chase after me yelling "Stop thief!" which they did to perfection because a policeman jumped out at me, scaring me so much I dropped the shoe on his foot where it shattered causing the stepsisters to scream with laughter and we were all arrested for making a public nuisance of ourselves. A few moments ago, I found out the judge who decides if we leave or stay is my wicked stepmother which means I could possibly be here for a long, long time.

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Brenda Norris wrote:

1) The closest WalMart is in Calais, which is about an hour away from here.
2) There's a windchill factor of minus 35 degrees.
3) I'm down to my last dime, so I'm writing the great American novel and I'm in a wicked tense scene and just can't tear myself away from the computer...

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Christina DeAngelis wrote:

I am expecting a phone call from the love of my life, currently serving (with the OR Army National Guard) in Baghdad, Iraq.

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Lydia Giza wrote:

Unfortunately I can't get to wal-mart today because I will be in front of Judge Mathis, suing my former cheatin' lyin' boyfriend for taking my copy of Finding Hope. He fell in love with Hope and they ran off together, leaving me without my favorite book. If you happen to see Hope, tell her I miss her and would like her to come home.

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Jan Moore wrote:

I am babysitting my 5 grandchildren today (all under 3 years of age)! Have you tried getting 5 carseats (infant seats, whatever you call them) into a Nissan pickup? Impossible to go to WalMart today!

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Congratulations to the winners.

It wasn't easy plucking the five best excuses out of my overflowing e-mail inbox, and this experience has left me wondering: If so many people couldn't go to WalMart on Monday, is anybody going to buy my book?