Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Macs are for wimps

I am a PC user, so this piece at Guardian Unlimited cracked me up. (Thanks to Will at Clicked for the link.) Here's an excerpt:

I hate Macs. I have always hated Macs. I hate people who use Macs. I even hate people who don't use Macs but sometimes wish they did. Macs are glorified Fisher-Price activity centres for adults; computers for scaredy cats too nervous to learn how proper computers work; computers for people who earnestly believe in feng shui.

Yeah. Somebody call Randy Newman. He should write a song about this. ("Don't want no Mac people 'round here.")

PCs are the ramshackle computers of the people. You can build your own from scratch, then customise it into oblivion. Sometimes you have to slap it to make it work properly, just like the Tardis (Doctor Who, incidentally, would definitely use a PC). PCs have charm; Macs ooze pretension. When I sit down to use a Mac, the first thing I think is, "I hate Macs", and then I think, "Why has this rubbish aspirational ornament only got one mouse button?"

Excellent point about Dr. Who. Definitely not a wimpy Mac man.

That part about slapping a PC to make it work properly is no joke. I slapped my computer just yesterday, after it froze on me just as I finished composing a better-than-usual blog entry and was about to publish it. I had spent more than an hour on the post when my computer just...stopped. I didn't want to reboot because then I'd lose my work for sure. So I smacked the machine with the heel of my hand. Heard a few feeble clicks from the hard drive. Smacked it again. Heard a few more clicks and then, nada. The screen remained well and truly frozen, so I squeezed my eyes shut, came perilously close to muttering a bad word, and pressed the Power button.

My PC happily booted up, eager to serve me. I gritted my teeth and reminded myself that it's unfair to express anger at a computer that has no memory of having done wrong. That would be like kicking a puppy who piddled on the rug yesterday. But if you think I wept and blubbered, "I want a Mac!" you're dead wrong. PC users have grit. We are the real computer users; the ones who can face a Blue Screen of Death without fear and trembling.

I sat up straighter, hummed a few slow, determined bars of "The Battle Hymn of the Republic," and went back to work.


Chris said...

Brenda, Brenda, Brenda. <sigh>

Wendy Richards said...

I so love when I have a whole comment done and it erases it before I get a chance to post! GRRR!

I've found that slapping my PC just makes my hand hurt. Kicking it, however, seems to do the trick, as well as release some stress!

While I haven't gotten the Blue Screen of Death in awhile, I'm faced with wiping the hard-drive completely and start over due to my ex downloading tons of movies on it. Could I do that with a Mac? Maybe, but I bet it would be a lot more difficult.

...Off to kick my computer again....

Great post Brenda

Anonymous said...

I have never seen a Mac believe it or not. We have regular PCs here in this house. I love that hymn. It is one of my favorites. :) Brittanie

cantnever said...

Brenda you are sooo funny. I actually had an iMac for a time and I lusted for it BEFORE I got it. I really wanted to conquer it, but did not. I have to laugh at this entry because there is so much truth mixed in with the humor. I now use PCs only. If they didn't make Macs in China - I might give one another try. Thanks for the laugh.

Becca said...

I have the only PC in our office at work. When the newspaper started up almost three years ago, someone had the "bright idea" to use Macs so everyone could have Adobe InDesign. Now, many of our sister papers send us Windows documents and we have one Microsoft Office license for the entire place! Seems silly.

I think Macs are for wimps or graphics folk, PCs are for the average user, and Linux/Unix is for smarty-pants/geeks. ;)

Shauna said...


I keep hearing the phrase, "Once you go Mac, you'll never go back." I don't know enough about computers either way. I believe the thing I'm typing on is refered to as a PC - well actually it's a keyboard, but it's attached to a PC...I think. :-) Just so long as I have internet access that's quick and zippy, I'm happy. But yeah, I've had to smack my computer upside the monitor a few times. It didn't accomplish much. *shrug* My solution to every problem is flick the power button, count to five and flick it on again! LOL!

Great post Brenda!!

Shauna said...


Just a quick thought: You may want to add some kind of disclaimer, or warning or something! Just a little side note that lets people know that this post only holds the thoughts and opinions of the writer. That readers are in no way required to agree or conform to your ideas and if they are upset, they are more then welcome to move right along!

Okay, that's just me being a little sarcastic! Wouldn't want anyone feeling the need to send you any scathing e-mails! LOL!

Brenda Coulter said...

Back off, Shauna. Can't you see I'm trying to stir up controversy in order to sell books?

Yesterday I e-mailed the article to my Number One Son, who is a very fine young man except for his lamentable devotion to his Mac. His reply was a succinct "Ha, ha. Very funny."

Which proves Mac users have no sense of humor. (Where is Randy Newman when we need him?)

Katie said...

Mac mice have two buttons now, and a scroll wheel that goes in every direction.

I love Macs, I'm sorry to say. I used to be a dyed-in-the-wool PC person, but now I could never go back. I could make a lot of analogies, but as a first-time commenter, I probably oughtn't wear out my welcome! ;-)

Brenda Coulter said...

I doubt you could, Katie, but you're welcome to try. You sound like a fun person (for someone who uses a Mac).

Okay, okay, I'll stop now.

Elle Fredrix said...

Oh, please don’t get me started! I have to use a Mac for work, and I HATE IT!

The Fisher Price reference is brilliant. I call mine Barbie’s First Computer, or the Easy Bake Computer.

Love my PC!

PS - great way to stir up controversy! I find it amusing that a lot of people are border-line religious when it comes to their computer choice!

Shauna said...

"Which proves Mac users have no sense of humor."

ROFLOLOLOL!! *gasp, wiping tears*


Peter L. Winkler said...

I used an Apple PowerBook 165 from 1994-2000, then my sister was given an IBM ThinkPad 390X running Windows 98SE.

The Mac's interface was a bit more elegant, but there was little functional difference and yes, the Mac would freeze now and then.

Since then I've moved on to a Fujitsu Lifebook P2120 running Windows XP.

Personally, I'd recommend a Mac to someone who wanted to run Final Cut, the video editing software or also to the type of person who wants to remain unaffected by viruses and security issues. But you pay a premium for the Mac.

Kristin said...

I am a happy Mac user. I think what PC people forget is that in an ideal world, you shouldn't have to 'fix' anything on your computer or tweak it or wipe the hard drive and rebuild your computer. It should just work. And that is what a Mac does.

I have no interest in learning programming beyond HTML and a few other tricks. I have no need for it. Why would I want a computer that needs that type of knowledge in order to function? I don't want to be stuck on a computer help line if my PC decides to go belly-up, eat my files, etc.

My Mac has never given me any problems beyond a few screen freezes that are very simply fixed. The only thing bad about a Mac is the limited number of games I can buy for my kids.

I will NEVER go back to a PC.