This is just wrong

My romance-writing friends often joke about needing chocolate to write, or to console themselves in the event of a rejection by an agent or editor, or to celebrate in the event of an acceptance by an agent or editor, or...well, you get the picture. M&Ms are a particular favorite of romance writers, which partly explains the visual joke in this blog's header.

My new book features a heroine who's addicted to Hershey's bars, and for those of you who are wondering, I have no such monkey on my back. When I need a hit of chocolate and don't have a little golden box of Godiva truffles in my office, I will often reach for a handful of M&Ms. The almond kind, if I can get them.

Last Saturday night my hunk o' burnin' love unpacked several bags of groceries and handed me this:
I tried them. I didn't care for them. They aren't just a little bit wrong, they are wrong in every possible way:

1. The colors make me think of crayons. Even when I was three years old, crayons did not make my mouth water. And the candy coatings are blobby-looking and not shiny. These things look more like little wooden game pieces than something you'd want to eat.

2. They're pointy. If you're looking for the same pleasure you get when you toss a few M&Ms into your mouth and roll 'em around, forget it. The tips of these candies will poke your tongue. Okay, it doesn't hurt or anything, but it's an odd and unpleasant experience.

3. The candy coating is too thick. There's no delicate crackle when you bite down. This must be what it's like to chew on flavored glass.

4. The famous Hershey's chocolate is too sweet when combined with the candy coating. You don't get a pleasant burst of chocolate, but an icky mouthful of pure sugar.

I'm sorry, Hershey's. I tried to keep an open mind, but these are just no good.