Friday, April 01, 2005

I was innocent, I tell you!

It's April Fool's Day, so I'll be watching my back. Number Two Son has played some devious pranks in the past.

Like the time he put a rubber band around the trigger of the hand-held spray thingie on the kitchen sink. The idea was that somebody would turn on the faucet and get nailed by the spray.

Cute idea, right? And it worked beautifully. When my husband went to fill the coffeemaker and let out a shocked exclamation, I looked up from the garden section of my Sunday paper and understood immediately what our rascally kid had done.

Hey, you would have laughed, too. It was funny.

But laughing was a mistake, because it convinced my husband that I had been the prankster. He chased me all over the kitchen with the sprayer and gave me a good soaking.

"Would you stop!" I squealed, leaping over a chair and pointing at our younger son, who had just materialized from his hiding place around the corner. "He did it!"

The kid couldn't believe his good fortune. He'd managed to get both parents with just one trick! He nearly blew a gasket laughing.

"Good, one, Mom!" he crowed, cementing my guilt in his father's eyes. "You really got him, didn't you?"

People, if you're ever accused of a crime and find yourself facing trial, remember to tell your attorneys during jury selection that the softspoken, bespectacled, friendly-looking architect in the back row will not be on your side, I don't care how slender a thread the prosecution's case is hanging by. My very own hunk o' burnin' love simply could not be convinced that I had been neither the perpetrator of nor an accessory to the crime.

Even now, some six or seven years later, he doubts my complete innocence. But I put the blame for my suffering squarely where it belongs. And every year when April Fool's Day rolls around, I look at my beloved second-born and think, Payback time, you rascal.

I just hope I can think of something bad enough to do to him today. Any suggestions?


Anonymous said...

Brenda, put peanut shells inside their shoes, that is always a good one.

tristan coulter said...

If I was home, i'd "steal" his (my) car.

ScrollSquirrel said...

You can vasaline their car door handles. You can saran wrap the toilet. You can take all the labels off the canned goods, numbering them so only YOU know the difference between the green beans and the fruit coctail. Hmmm. How about put a "For Sale" sign on his car along with his cell phone number and a rediculously low price while he's at work or school, so he keeps getting buyer calls for the next two weeks. You could also paint his car with a Hot pink painted "Just Married" sign. You can get a huge piece of plastic, tape it to the outside of his bedroom door (if it opens in) and fill it completely with packing peanuts so when he opens the door, he's accosted by several hundred of them. I can think of about a hundred more but this think is blinking at me to shut up.


ScrollSquirrel said...

Sorry for all the typos up there. OBVIOUSLY I didn't proofread before I hit send!

A blushing Squirl

Pammer said...

Of course you could just introduce him to me and sit back. I am guarenteed to make some catastrophe happen and have him running for safety in no time, just ask dh (who is finally used to me). AFter all, I am the one that managed to soak myself with the silly spray attachment with no help whatsoever, lol. And hey, when you get a good idea, send it to me cause I REALLY owe my oldest son. :0)


Heather Diane Tipton said...

Brenda, do you feel sorry for me yet? LOL I am sharing a hotel room with Squirl and Pammer in Nashville for the ACFW conference. Guess it is a good thing I love them and I trust the two with my life, huh?

Well? did you get him?

Angie Poole said...

The ol' fake letter or phone call from the IRS is always a good one.

I know, I know.

Just yesterday my daughter told me I was truly evil.

Brenda Coulter said...

Thanks for the suggestions, everyone. You truly are a bunch of wicked women! ;-)

I April Fooled the kid, but I'm afraid I can't tell you about it. For some reason, he doesn't want to see his life on his mother's blog. Go figure.

tristan coulter said...

you can tell me about it, right? (call me)

Robin Bayne said...

Oh, Brenda, just admit you did it. LOL

Brenda Coulter said...

I did NOT put the rubber band on the sprayer, Robin. Although I will confess to having wished I'd been the one to think up that trick....